It takes me less than five minutes to drive to the Department of Defence (Do D) only to find him waiting at the main entrance.
I have never really been to Githurai though I have driven past a couple of times.
Him: Where I come from, we have perfected the art of a poker face. When was the last time that the both of you played around like kids When was the last time you chased her around that cheap apartment of yours? You will get comfortable with life, focus too much on earning a living, then completely forget to live.
When was the last time you went to watch a performance at the Kenya National Theatre? When was the last time you spanked your wife’s ass?
Him: Daniel…Secretly hoping he’ll say he was just kidding. I will cork it, then I will slowly lift it to your head (points at my temple) right here and I will not even count to three. He looks right into my eyes so severely I am downright scared now. Then I will drive myself to Donholm with your headless body bleeding in the seat I’m occupying right now.
Then when I pull it out, I will be holding a 1911 Colt .45 semi-automatic sidearm.
They must have just invented a sense of humor where you come from. You just might be the Issac Newton of humor where you come from.
His stone face tells me he is not) He’s the guy who discovered gravity.
Me: Finding something that hasn’t been found by anyone else before? As a matter of fact, driving around Nairobi at this time of the night is therapeutic. With a normal job and a normal relationship and normal friends and normal beliefs, right? w=620 620w, https://i2com/markmaish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/soldgers.jpg? resize=300,187 300w, https://i2com/markmaish.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/soldgers.jpg? resize=450,281 450w" sizes="(max-width: 620px) 94vw, 620px" /You wake up from your boring bed in the morning and say good morning to your uninteresting wife and she smiles and says good morning to her uninteresting husband. Maybe it’s the way he says it that gets me to pull over to the side. Besides, I’m getting sleepy so I need to get home quickly and sleep. I mean, when was the last time you smelled a rose and realized it doesn’t smell good? And I make a conscious decision not to have a conversation about it meanwhile I’m wondering whether he is crazy. But because I’m the first white guy to see it, I have discovered it and I have named it Mount Kenya!! But the thing about peace is that people forget to live, you know? It takes him a whopping five minutes to conclude his business and get back inside the car. Him: Gravity existed before Newton noticed that apples don’t fly around in the air when they are thrown up but they come hurtling down to the ground. Then comes a white guy who sees it and says; drumroll; “There lies a huge mountain that the natives don’t give a shit about. And that’s OK because you have lived an entire lifetime. The moment I step off the car, I’m hit by such a strong stench that I instinctively fall back. Him: Like this other dirtbag who apparently discovered Mt. Weren’t there people who were living around that area when he discovered it? If memory serves, the Kikuyu used to face the mountain whenever they prayed because they believed that their god lives up there. Before you know it, you’re sixty with one foot in the grave. When you discover you have cancer or other terminal illness, you start living each day like it means something. We are at Survey now along Thika Road and we’re right in the middle lane. I have my hazards lights on but two minutes into his unhygienic business, I decide it might be a great idea to place the triangle on the road for safety. Me: (Wondering where this conversation is headed) I am sure it’s more complicated than that. If I had to drive around Nairobi for a living, I’d probably turn into a serial killer and follow my passengers home and kill them in their beds just to sweeten my life up. At night, you drive back home to your wife and you’re both too tired to have an interesting shag so you just grab another shower and collapse in bed like a log. Because you know what, there are people dying for you to live. Because when your life is in danger, that’s when you start appreciating it. He takes one long dump without any hurry or care in the world.